Feedback: It’s Not a Roast, But It Might Feel Like One

We’ve all been there. You’re working hard, minding your own business, maybe even riding the wave of a recent success—and then, bam! Feedback arrives. Sometimes, it’s completely justified, and other times you can’t help but think, “Who do they think they are?” or perhaps, “Oh, the irony!” (Cue the silent eye roll.) Sometimes, it’s not feedback—it’s a full-on roast. But here’s the truth: feedback, roast or otherwise, is just that—feedback. It’s not a personal judgment, but information. And sometimes, breaking it down helps it go down a bit easier.

Let’s start by dissecting the word "feedback." The "feed" part means to provide something—usually food, but here, it’s information. The "back" part refers to something being returned to its source. So, feedback is like getting served a small plate of informational appetizers. Sometimes it’s delicious, and other times, well… it’s like that mystery dish no one wanted to order.

In the professional world, feedback is all about sharing insights on performance, ideas, or behavior. But here’s the tricky bit—every single one of us processes feedback through our own personal filters. Our backgrounds, beliefs, values, and experiences color how we hear and interpret the feedback we receive. While some might say, “Leave all that at the door,” the reality is we’re human, and those things are always with us. Sometimes, the very traits that get us praised (“Wow, you’re so dedicated to the team!”) can also lead to some constructive criticism (“Maybe dial back your involvement a little.”).

So, what’s the takeaway here? Should you stop caring or change who you are because someone suggested you care too much? Of course not! That’s what makes you who you are. But instead of dwelling on the criticism, try asking yourself a simple but powerful question: “What was my part in this?”

That question shifts the focus from what others might be doing wrong to what you can control. Sure, it’s easy to point fingers, but when you take ownership of your role in the situation, you gain the ability to make positive changes. Let’s take a common example: not getting along with a coworker. It’s tempting to say, “Well, they’re just impossible.” But what if, instead, you asked, “What was my part in this?” Maybe there’s something small you could adjust—like skipping the garlic-heavy lunches that make your desk neighbor keep their distance.

Now, let’s talk about the kind of feedback that sneaks up on you when you least expect it. You’re feeling great, making strides, and then—boom!—a last-minute meeting pops onto your calendar. You know what’s coming. Or maybe you’re in a regular one-on-one meeting, and suddenly—surprise!—constructive feedback drops in. It can be jarring, but when it happens, take a deep breath, be graceful, and consider how you can use that feedback without losing sight of the qualities that make you great in the first place.

Compliments are easy to handle—you smile, say thank you, and maybe do a little victory lap in your mind. But how you respond to constructive feedback is just as important, if not more so. It’s part of your professional brand. The way you handle the not-so-glowing moments speaks volumes about your character. So, the next time you’re served a plate of feedback—whether it’s savory or a bit hard to digest—remember that it’s all part of the growth process. Take what you can from it, and use it to keep improving.

After all, nobody’s perfect, but we’re all evolving. And that’s something worth smiling about.