It’s Not Me, It’s You: What Turnover Might Be Trying to Tell You

You’ve probably heard the phrase: “People don’t leave companies, they leave managers.”

It’s quoted so often, it’s practically leadership law at this point. And, while it’s not always true (sometimes people really do just want a shorter commute or a boss who doesn’t schedule a 4:30 p.m. Friday meeting and call it a “quick sync”), it’s often true enough to make you squirm when a team member hands in their notice.

As a leader, turnover can feel personal. Sometimes it is. Sometimes it’s not. The real skill is figuring out which—and how to handle it without spiraling into a late-night LinkedIn search for “How to tell if you’re a terrible boss.”

Not All Turnover Is Bad (Seriously)

Let’s start with the bright side. Not all turnover is a bad thing.

Imagine one of your team members tells you they’ve always dreamed of becoming a teacher. They go back to school, grind through student loans and cafeteria duty, and four years later, they email you a heartfelt thank-you along with their resignation. They’re off to inspire young minds—and maybe confiscate a few cell phones.

That’s not a loss. That’s a graduation. You didn’t lose an employee—you launched a dream. And that deserves more than just a goodbye card with an inside joke no one else understands. That’s a leadership win.

The same goes for the person who gets recruited into their dream company, or finally moves to Italy to run a vineyard like they always said they would. (Fine, we're jealous. Still a win.)

But Sometimes… It’s You

Now let’s talk about the other kind of turnover. The kind that doesn’t feel like a win. The kind where the group chat explodes with “Did you hear who just left?” messages before you even have time to open the resignation email.

Maybe it starts quietly. A well-respected team lead is let go with little more than a vague announcement about “shifting priorities.” A few weeks later, someone from another area of the department disappears after a closed-door meeting—no farewell, no context. Then the resignations begin, slowly at first, then picking up steam. Some say they’re moving on to new opportunities. Others say nothing at all. Slack channels go silent. Team lunches stop happening. Calendars fill with “quick chats” that don’t include you. And just like that, a once-steady, high-trust team starts to feel more like a waiting room—everyone wondering if they’re next, or if it’s time to leave on their own terms.

Or maybe you notice something quieter, but equally unsettling: That previously top-performing employee? Now they’re barely hanging on. Not showing up to meetings. Missing deadlines. When they were under someone else, they were thriving—but under you? Suddenly, they’re “just not a fit.”

Yikes.

Here’s the truth no one likes to say out loud: sometimes, it’s not them. Sometimes it’s your leadership. And if your knee-jerk reaction to every departure is “they just weren’t the right fit,” it might be time to take a closer look in the leadership mirror.

Piece of paper propped on a keyboard with the words "Dear Boss, I Quit"

Gossip Isn’t a Leadership Strategy

One of the absolute worst things a leader can do is talk poorly about every person who leaves the team. Sure, it might feel therapeutic to vent. But when every exit is “mutual,” every former employee was “checked out anyway,” and every role “wasn’t that critical to begin with,” it starts to look less like objective truth and more like damage control.

Besides, your remaining team hears it. They’re taking notes. And trust me—they’re wondering what you’ll say about them when they eventually leave (which, ironically, might happen sooner if you keep acting like this).

Let them go with grace. Thank them for what they contributed. Wish them well. Not because you have to, but because your character as a leader doesn’t clock out when theirs does.

What to Do Instead of Spiraling

Leadership isn’t about having zero turnover. That’s called stagnation—and no one wants to be the person who stayed just because they were afraid to leave. Your job is to create an environment people want to be in, and when they do leave, make sure they’re walking away better than they arrived.

Takeaways that will keep you from spiraling and improve your leadership:

• Exit interviews that matter. Ask real questions. Don’t just check a box. Ask what they loved, what frustrated them, and what finally tipped the scale.

  
  

• Stay interviews (aka: keep-them-from-leaving chats). Ask your current team what’s working and what’s not—before they start logging into Glassdoor during lunch.

  
  

• Check in regularly and invite real feedback. Not the “how’s everything going?” in passing, but intentional one-on-ones where it’s safe to say, “Here’s what’s frustrating me,” or “I need more support.” You might not love what you hear—but it’s better than being blindsided by a two-weeks’ notice.

  
  

• Look for patterns. If high performers are leaving at an unusual rate, or if every new hire quietly disappears like it’s a magician’s act… the pattern might not be a coincidence.

  
  

• Resist the urge to “smack talk.” Even if the departure was messy, be the leader who takes the high road—even if it’s uphill both ways.

  
  

What Story Are You Writing?

Turnover tells a story. Sometimes that story is, “I grew so much here, I outgrew the role.” Sometimes it’s, “I had to get out before I started hiding under my desk.” Either way, you’re part of the narrative.

So ask yourself: What story are you helping people tell about their time under your leadership? Are you the mentor who empowered them or the micromanager they vented about in therapy?

Leadership isn’t defined by how many people stay—it’s defined by how people feel when they leave. And if they leave proud of what they accomplished, appreciative of the support they had, and just a little sad to go?

That’s the good kind of turnover. The kind that says: you did something right.

Even if you still kind of hate goodbye cake.